Uh , wow . . .
Run. Run from this fustercluck. RUN. stop with the introspection and navel gazing and picking it all apart. If you move in with this citizen in a 'granny flat', things will get worse and worse and worse for you. And if she should live long enough and get dementia, YOU will be changing her stinking diapers and feeding her jello, not your man. Run.
I have a problem.